is this L-O-V-E?

Everytime a friend whines about his/her lovelife, I always end up giving the “you-know-what”, “I-told-you-so” litanies. Acting all “knowing” as if I have a PhD on how to handle a relationship. But who am I to speak of this cliché? I’ve had three relationships. With the first one, the love was lost. Second, love was not enough. And the last one, well, it was too perfect that it was already surreal. So who am I to tell anyone how to master this so-called feeling of love when I for myself have failed on it so many times. But what more gives me no right to talk about it at all is that I’ve recently discovered how much of a paranoid I am. Okay call me loser but I can’t help it. When I’m not doing anything or shall I say I try not to do anything so that I can think of those “unhappy” thoughts. Here’s a sneak peek on my brain activity when these things get into it. One moment I’m feeling so high and in love. Then, later I would instantly get into my drama queen character just because I misinterpret his text as being so cold, uncaring and unloving. And another, I tried calling him but then I hear the busy tone on the other line and my mind went berserk (“ohmygod he’s talking to someone else behind my back”) when in fact it was just the inefficiency of the network that caused the busy tone. It sucks because I know I’m inflicting unnecessary pain to myself but then it creeps to my mind and whispers to my ear, how can I ignore it? All this time, I’ve been advising people that paranoia will lead you to nowhere. And here I am, I’m sorry but I can’t really practice what I preach. However, due to recent events I will definitely try even harder to keep them behind or as far away from me as possible. I have a good thing going right now. And I promise to do everything to keep it together.

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