A take on chances

Is love sweeter the second time around?

less than a year ago, I would’ve screamed NO at the top of my lungs even if it means seeing my favorite hello kitty house shirt turn into ashes. because then, I did not believe in second chances. why go for a second chance when you’ve already got a first to make everything work out. if it doesn’t, then it means it’s not meant to be. so how, what, when, where, why did I change my mind?

like most stories it goes like this. one day, I was in front of my laptop surfing the net, my favorite form of leisure, for god knows how long. and then there it was, the most unexpected thing. 6 months after our break-up my most despised (I still recognize him as l’homme de ma vie even though I hate him during those times) ex-boyfriend’s name appeared on my email. apparently, he wants to add me in Facebook but unfortunately that account wasn’t my email address in FB. I pondered on the repercussion of accepting the invitation. after staring blankly at the monitor, rereading, closing and reopening the mail, I accepted his invitation. I figured why not? the most he could do was hurt me virtually or slander my name on the said social networking site ( which I bet he wouldn’t do, he’s not that bad). from then on, he would chat with me whenever I log in.

boy did I enjoy being sarcastic to him in our chats. it was a test of good behavior. because almost always he would reminisce about the good old times and as a reply I would indirectly point out the fact that the break up was all his fault. nevertheless, he continued to chat with me. even asked for my cellphone number, which I gave without thinking twice. then he started calling everyday. he kept me company through the phone during my long travel hours when I had a summer job. Most of the time I just listened on the other end of phone, waiting for him to run out of stories to tell and topics to discuss. it was a test of patience.

is this L-O-V-E?

Everytime a friend whines about his/her lovelife, I always end up giving the “you-know-what”, “I-told-you-so” litanies. Acting all “knowing” as if I have a PhD on how to handle a relationship. But who am I to speak of this cliché? I’ve had three relationships. With the first one, the love was lost. Second, love was not enough. And the last one, well, it was too perfect that it was already surreal. So who am I to tell anyone how to master this so-called feeling of love when I for myself have failed on it so many times. But what more gives me no right to talk about it at all is that I’ve recently discovered how much of a paranoid I am. Okay call me loser but I can’t help it. When I’m not doing anything or shall I say I try not to do anything so that I can think of those “unhappy” thoughts. Here’s a sneak peek on my brain activity when these things get into it. One moment I’m feeling so high and in love. Then, later I would instantly get into my drama queen character just because I misinterpret his text as being so cold, uncaring and unloving. And another, I tried calling him but then I hear the busy tone on the other line and my mind went berserk (“ohmygod he’s talking to someone else behind my back”) when in fact it was just the inefficiency of the network that caused the busy tone. It sucks because I know I’m inflicting unnecessary pain to myself but then it creeps to my mind and whispers to my ear, how can I ignore it? All this time, I’ve been advising people that paranoia will lead you to nowhere. And here I am, I’m sorry but I can’t really practice what I preach. However, due to recent events I will definitely try even harder to keep them behind or as far away from me as possible. I have a good thing going right now. And I promise to do everything to keep it together.

How many times can you rekindle an old flame?

It’s been 2 months, 59 days to be exact since I typed away my thoughts and opened my self to the world. So what has driven me to go back to my old ways of writing about random stuff that bothers me or about my love life or about anything that caught my attention? Well, I just saw the sequel to the much anticipated movie of the year – Sex and the City 2. I’ve heard a lot of people saying that the movie wasn’t good enough in comparison to the first movie. I watched it anyway. I don’t know if I’m just a big Sex & the City fan or am just as shallow as that to be able to appreciate the film. I laughed my ass off Samantha’s witty comments and of course who wouldn’t appreciate the glamorous fashion show they had throughout the movie (though I was really turned off by the J’adore Dior shirt of Carrie). And I’m going far from my point, point is there is that character, Carrie. The writer. Needless to say, I was inspired by the character to write again. It always has to be a strong female character that writes point blank what she has to say that pulls me back and reminding me of the passion I have to keep burning.

And so I’m making this promise to myself to find time to do those things I truly love – writing & dancing. Yes dancing, and that deserves a whole blog to itself. goodbye for now.

superhuman

“no amount of toxin can make you a superhero. being a superhero is innate”
-superpinya

i would’ve made superwoman find another job with the stunt i pulled last week. after my last (grueling) exam last march31, i erased the word ‘rest’ from my vocabulary. i spent most of the holy week in penitence. i did my mini-thesis which was supposedly due on the 6th and the 7th of April. but the GASC would also take place during those dates in Baguio. what’s a girl gotta do? of course i wouldn’t miss that Baguio trip for the world even if that isn’t really a vacation trip. and so i crammed the paper for four and a half days. a feat i wouldn’t dare given a choice because this mini-thesis is for my French literature class, the sole subject that gave me constant headache, sleepless nights and a lot of failing grades despite all the efforts i’ve exhausted for it.

i finished my thesis at exactly 2am on April5. we were scheduled to leave at 9 in the morning of the same day for Baguio. i was supposed to leave the house at 6 but then i was too sleep-deprived for the past four days to be able to wake up at such early hour. i left the house at 7 and called on to all the gods to make a miracle for me. then all my hopes vanished when i saw the traffic at Alabang. i was sweating like crazy on my seat, i wanted to jump off the bus and race to Cubao. when the bus finally arrived at magallanes, i made a mad dash to the mrt. but i was already too late. my co-officers at the student council told me to wait for the bus at trinoma because i wouldn’t make it to Cubao on time. thankfully, i arrived at trinoma before the bus.

7 hours later we’re already in Baguio. my stay there is a whole different story.

i arrived at Manila on the night of April7. the next day i started my paper in EL170. yes, you read it right. i sacrificed paper-making time in EL170 just to be able to go to Baguio. the paper was supposedly due on the 9th. so i figured i still have 2days to work on the paper when i come back. but, thanks to my dear classmates, sir E moved the deadline to April12. three days later, my nerves finally relaxed. i finished the paper and i’m just waiting for the deadline. hay. this is the first time my semester stretched out this long that the sunflowers along univ ave had already bloomed. anyhow, better busy than bored with nothing to do.

not your average girl

the other day i was washing my dishes downstairs when i overheard <> a conversation of the holy family (i.e. my landlord, landlady and their two children)
dad: how’s your exams?
bunso: kei lang
mom: ilan nakuha mo?
bunso: meron akong line of 8.
mom: (panic registering on her voice) gano kababa?
bunso: 85 saka 89
mom: (in hysterics) 85?! kung kelan 4th quarter na...

i smiled as i remember a bittersweet memory. when i was young there were rules in the house for studying. rule no. 1: on weekdays, we must lock ourselves in our room to study from afternoon til night
rule no. 2: the only time for watching TV on weekdays is during dinner (since we have a TV in front of our dinner table)
rule no. 3: the weekend before the exams you also can’t watch TV

there were a lot more but this is all i could remember. so during those times, i’d waste most of my waking hours staring at the wall in front of my desk. yes, thinking about it now i could’ve done more productive things than that but i cannot not submit to authority that is my mom. she was then a dictator. a perfectionist. she goes hysterical when she sees my grades going downhill. then i came to the point when i had too much. i had to rebel. and rebel i did. i totally ditched my acads and had a boyfriend –> and this is a whole different story.

anyhow, at such a young age i already felt the pressure from my parents to become nothing but an achiever. it was expected. anything less would mean a disgrace to the whole clan. i then envied my classmates, the non-achievers. they went by their grade school and high school lives in a breeze. they can watch TV any time they want, they can go out any time they like and they only study if they want to or if it’s absolutely necessary (i.e. exam time). i wished back then i was just an ordinary student. i looked forward to college seeing that it was my only way to redemption. because i thought that our (my family and i) only goal in life is to get in UP. i thought they wouldn’t expect me to excel in school since they know for a fact that there are a lot of more brilliant minds who are in the same class as mine. but no. hell no. until college, thanks to my dear little sister who told my mom my grades prove to have all the makings of a cum laude (this was back in first year so my grades were still that high), my mom kept pushing me to be an achiever. though now she’d say it in a nice tone. gone were the days of her dictatorship. she had changed into a sweet mom after going through her menopausal stage.

in one of my classes this sem, my professor talked to us about mediocrity. how he was saddened by the growing number of mediocre students in UP who had the potential of being great it’s just that they’re too damn lazy to act upon themselves. sir are you referring to us? haha. unfortunately, we’ve developed an aversion to the thought of meeting deadlines, studying long before an exam or being prepared for a week before a scheduled report or what. we now worship cramming, all-nighters and two to three days sunog-kilay sessions. thus, we never really are able to bring out our best since we always lack time and panic is always setting in before work even begins.

therefore, the question is after all do i really want to be just an average student?

pen and paper

’tis time to light the eternal flame…

the previous post was sort of a trial in my “serious writing” mode. i want to write articles for magazines and newspapers. but how do i start? well, i guess all i have to do is write, write and write until one day one of my articles reach the doorsteps of print media. however, things don’t happen like that in a snap (unless you are cinderella). i know i have to actually do something to make it happen. but how? a long time ago i thought of writing for Youngblood, a section in the Philippine Daily Inquirer which features articles from young people of any background. what keeps me from submitting an article? for one, i don’t know what topic to discuss. there’s just too much note-worthy subject out there and it seems like everyone has already said something about that. Like what my latin professor used to say, “Nihil nobum sub soleil” nothing is new under the sun. i don’t want to be charged of plagiarism. god forbid. secondly, i still don’t have that much confidence in my writing abilities. i’m afraid they’d return my article with a note saying “not a worthy read go pester someone else” or “die you moron” T.T okay, maybe that’s too harsh and utterly impossible. haha. though SOMEDAY i will try, even just for the simple excuse that i’d do it so that i wouldn’t have any hang-ups in the future and hopefully die with a contented soul. may the force be with me.

i’m every woman, it’s all in me

disclaimer: this is not a term paper

in celebration of International Women’s Day, let us pay tribute to the women of the world today. i say the women of today has come very far. from their mere role as a child-rearer, the women of today has become an integral part of the society. they now serve as one of the key players in business, trade, politics, etc. debunking their former status of uneducated, feeble and servile lesser-beings. for hundreds of years we, women, have fought for equality but when did this inequality really start. looking at the course of history, it may well be pointed out that Before Common Era or in religious terms Before Christ women have already played an important role in the society. like the case of the Babaylans, filipina priestesses, who were revered as the most powerful and knowing personas in the tribe. they must be consulted for every decision of the tribe as they were the representatives of the gods here on earth. but when christianity was introduced to the world, the women were reduced to being a servant to her husband, a repressed detainee in their own households and a mere decoration. in the muslim society however, (i’ve read in one article forgot the title though) women were covered in hijab because men are afraid of the former’s strong power (which lies apparently lies on their skin) and they certainly do not want to succumb to it.

but now, the world has been much kinder to women. it has given the women opportunities to place themselves in well-deserved pedestals. its like having men admit that they still can’t do the job any better. haha. apologies to anyone who might be offended. not that i am a man-hater or something. it’s just that we’ve been kept in the shadows for so long. and today, in unity with the rest of the world i applaud to the success that women have made over the centuries in establishing themselves as beacons of change, progress and intellect. clap clap.

something old, something new

change is the only constant thing in the world

and by change i mean…

1. letting go of my damned experiment. it was successful, since i really have achieved the good girl status for over a period of 50 days. but it has come to an end because the objective or goal (not sure which of the two) is already gone with the wind. no regrets though because this experiment has ignited again my passion for writing. if not for this i would’ve forgotten my long lost dream of becoming a writer.

2. entering the world of tweeter. i need something new. therefore, tweeter. i’ve been running out of sites to check out whenever i’m online since facebook doesn’t appeal to me that much anymore except for the posts in Narinig ko sa UP (Overheard at UP), which i read every second. haha. i also check out V’s blog in cosmo.ph unfortunately she doesn’t post everyday so most of the time i end up reading anything on the first site i set my eyes upon and that is yahoo.

this is mitch reporting live from Kazahkstan

Experiment no. 1
Day 50

Happy golden daysary! if there’s an anniversary, a monthsary why not a daysary?

11am
panicking. hyperventilating. pupils dilating. i’m nervous as hell. today is the day for the report in french lit. the one and only chance i have of impressing le Monsieur D and my classmates in real time action since i don’t recite that much in class. it’s my time to shine. and shine i didn’t.

1pm
report finished. i’m financially broke (we had to rent the CAL AVR, LCD and pay the technician’s fee even if the technician technically did not do anything but turn on the projector which we could do ourselves. this is injustice) and the report was not that bad but it wasn’t that good either. damn.

3pm
went to cafe iana for another group meeting, this time for the francophonie. i did not contribute any idea as i was spacing out in one corner thinking about the things i forgot to mention in my report, which are the most important parts. how could i have forgotten? hmm. anyway, can’t cry over spilled milk. moving on, i tried to listen in to what they have in mind for our presentation. all i can say is – anything’s fine with me. haha. i’m out of creative juices, sorry guys.

4pm
from Vargas back to CAL for EURO’s GA. fault finders show yourselves. everyone has something to say about the recently concluded Summit that we ended up talking for about two hours and a half hours.

7pm
home. sleepy. we have a new roommate. but she’s only gonna stay with us for a week because she has a seminar to attend to at the NEC. no problemo just don’t get up at 6am tomorrow please?
and beb, good soul that she was, treated us with a Mcdo delivery. thanks beb you’re the best.

elevation

Experiment no. 1
Day 49

730am
monday morning, no class but i’m already up and about ready to leave for school hoping to make it on time for our 10 o’clock meeting. mom made me a breakfast of fried rice and eggs. thanks ma but i really don’t like to eat eggs without any other viand on breakfast or any time of the day for that matter. when this happens (eggs for breakfast, because it’s the easiest to cook and readily available food in our kitchen) i eat one egg and a quarter of rice for about 40 minutes with a blank face. for some reason i find it slimy and tasteless when i eat it alone but when paired with home-made tocina i’d probably jump for joy. haha.

10am
arrived at the boarding house at exactly 10am however, my groupmates are running late so arriving early was of no use. my groupmates arrived an hour later. we started by ranting about our report. good job. haha.

1pm
we left for Mcdo Katipunan hoping that their wifi is faster than the one we have at the boarding house. much to our disappointment, Mcdo was full when we arrived. why? it’s a holiday. and what’s up with everyone having laptops on their tables? has Mcdo become the new hub for thesis-making? thought it was starbucks. we weren’t really able to do anything there but it since we can’t find an available outlet to plug our drained batteries. darn it.

2pm
back to UP. we hurried to the gym to watch thea perform on Elevate. in all fairness, their performance was quite impressive given the small amount of time they had for practice and their being amateurs. and i must applaud thea for being able to wear that whore makeup and racer back top. sexy sexy :p

4pm
the picture taking took longer than the whole program. haha. we waited until thea has had about a hundred pictures before we head off to teacher’s ville for merienda. first we, i mean mitch and teej, ate at friuli(?). then we proceeded to i heart froyo, a newly-opened dessert shop near ministop. not really a big fan of yoghurt because i’m a sucker for sweets. i still go for chocolates. dark chocolates for a healthier effect.

5pm
home. did what was left of our report. slept for about two hours. then, memorized my script for tomorrow. my nerves are killing me already. i hope le Monsieur D appreciates all the effort we’ve put in this one.